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"Understanding these dynamics and learning to discuss what went wrong in the relationship, apologize and make changes will give both partners much more insight into themselves and their marriage—and might even help to make their relationship affair-proof in the future," she says.

"Because my husband and I had been together so long, and from such a young age, I didn't realize that I was actually attractive to other men and that I could be attracted to them, too," says one woman from Annapolis, MD.

"For some people, an affair can make them lose focus on other aspects of their life.

Self-care, their career trajectory, friendships, and thoughtful parenting can all take a backseat," says Kerner.

You're not alone: Research shows that infidelity rates may be as high as 60 to 70% (but it's tough to get an exact number because it's all self-reported).

And you can't just blame the guys: One Indiana University study found that women and men cheat at the same rate.

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"They actually end up stronger and more resilient than before the affair." One New York City woman who discovered her husband was cheating feels like she finally found herself once her unhappy marriage came to an end.

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